The Chronicles of Nonsense
by muffinman123
Summary: This is a series of random events that happen behind the scenes in squad 7's life. Expect the unexpected! You may be scarred for life! Rated T. Sasusaku a little naruhina, shikaino and nejiten! Enjoy!


**Title: The Chronicles of Nonsense**

**Written By: muffinman123 (Melon and Emileh)**

**Hey there guys! You may know me as wolf08 from my other account, but on this account, I'd like you to call me Emileh! If you've read my other stories, you'd know that I like to write serious and carefully-written pieces… but not on this account! So beware! We're a duo on the loose! Randomness awaits! **

**Here is our writing-style for this story: I write the first paragraph, she writes the next. We continue to do so and that's how the plot is born! (we write these things when we're together at one of our houses). **

**Declaimer: This is a Wild-Ninja production. We wished we owned the characters but we don't and this plot is so randomly-ridiculous that it has to be ours. **

**Enjoy, folks! You know the drill: Read, hopefully enjoy and review!**

**Chapter 1: The Curse of the Full-Moon**

-Once upon a time there was a little boy named Sasuke. But people called him Sauce-kay instead. He went for a walk one day while pulling his eggplant in a wagon. He ran into a wall. He started to cry. When he looked up, a little girl was there named Sakura.

* * *

-Now this little girl was no looker; she hade a mans face and was overweight. But Sasuke was still in love with her and couldn't help but blush. "So what is your name?" Sasuke asked because he couldn't remember it. "Blish blah didi ka flop," she said. Sauske fainted with love then…

* * *

-"Blish blah blortle plop," Sakura said, which really means "Would you like to come over and have dinner with me?" Sasuke could understand her Retard Language so he said "Blam bligger-blagger" which means "Sure thing, sweetie-pie!" He asked her what they were having and she said quesadillas. It was his favourite food so he started running with joy. Sakura tried to run too but she was really fat so she arrived three days after he did. They had dinner anyways. This is what happened at their dinner…

* * *

- "Oh my its getting really late! Do you think that maybe she's getting pocked again by kids?" Sakura's mother said with worry. "BLISH A DE SHEEE!" Sakura's father said, which means, "Shush! I'm trying to eat here, woman!" "MOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYY!!! I'm home HFFGGFFFFGVVHGFFJ [and I have a friend over too" Sakura's mom stopped to see a little cute boy getting squashed by Sakura. "OH YA that's right! My little baby has a boyfriend! So what's your name little boy?"

* * *

-"My name is Sasuke. Call me Sauce-kay and I will be very happy," he answered. "Oh! Nice to meet you Sauce-kay! I know your parents very well! Speaking of them, I'm going over to their house for dinner! Bye!" said Sakura's mother, grabbing her husband by the arm. Sakura smiled. "Blamiber frokenskunk" she said turning to look at Sasuke (which means "I guess we're alone now. What's for dinner?") Sasuke shrugged and pushed Sakura into a purple machine that made her speak English. When she came out, she wasn't fat anymore, but she still had a moustache. Sasuke still loved it. "I know! I'll make dinner!" Sakura said, running to the oven and turning it on to 500000000000 degrees. The kitchen burned down so they had to go to McDonalds. Sakura ordered 56 Big Macs and Sasuke ordered one nugget and a fry. They ate and had a lively conversation. "Where do you want to go now?" Sasuke asked. "Let's go to a MOVIE!"

* * *

-When Sasuke and less fatter Sakura got to the movie theatres they went to see what type of movie they could see. "Ohhhhhhh all the killing movies are sold out," said Sauske sighing. Killing movie? What type of guy is this? Suddenly Sakura saw a romance movie she thought this would be a prefect opportunity to get closer to Sasuke. "Umm Sasuke what about that one?" she asked while blushing. Sasuke glanced at the movie poster then turned to her and said "PERVERT!!! YOU JUST WANNA MAKE-OUT!" ( Inner-Sasuke: I'm cool with that but I don't want to look perverted) "What! No no no! Not like that!" said Sakura, choking him. "Hey guys!" Sasuke and Sakura stopped choking each other and looked at the spunky, blonde-headed Naruto.

* * *

-"How about we go see that movie?" Naruto said, pointing at the romance-movie sign. "Um…" Sasuke said, his eye twitching. "Yeah! Let's go!" Sakura said. Sasuke shook his head. "I don't feel like watching movies right now. How about we go bowling?" The other two agreed (Naruto assumed that he was invited too). The three of them went bowling and mini-putting (Naruto ended up winning both because Sasuke dropped a bowling ball on his toe and walked funny for the rest of the night and Sakura hit everything too hard so she smashed three signs, four trucks, twenty birds and an airplane when they went mini-putting). After that the three of them decided to go shopping. "I need a whole new wardrobe," Sakura said, "because I'm too small for all of my old clothes now that I've shrunk." "Me too," Naruto said in a very girly way and putting a hand on his hip. Sasuke and Sakura ditched him after that. After buying some new clothes, Sasuke and Sakura went to the play-land. Then Sakura had seventy bags of popcorn so they had to buy some bigger clothes. They found Naruto again in a beauty department getting his toe-nails painted (just picture him sitting on one of those fluffy chairs with a towel on his head!). "Are you ready to go home?" Sakura asked. "No way!" he said. "You guys still have to help me pick out some new outfits!!"

* * *

- "So what store do you guys want to go in?" asked a confused Naruto. "Oh… well, um, let's see…," Sakura said, but she couldn't choose either! There were just so many stores! "Humph," Sasuke said. "Well, what about that one?" Sakura glanced at the store that Sasuke was pointing at. She squinted her eyes to read the name of the store and it was called… "Pretty Princess". "OH! What a good idea, Sasuke! I heard that they have a lot of good clothes there! You guys have to come in with me!" Sakura exclaimed. "Pfft! You're funny," Sasuke said. "What do you mean, Sasuke-kun?" "I, well… um… mean," he replied, trying to say it as nicely as possible, but then Naruto yelled out, "Because it's a chick's store! Me and Sasuke don't want to be caught in a store with bras and lady-underwear!" "You perv!" Sakura yelled, lashing out and beating Naruto to a pulp. "Naruto, your punishment will be that you'll have to try on all of the clothes that I want to buy so that I will know if they look good!" "WHAT?" Naruto exclaimed. "NO! Sasuke, help me! Ahhhh! Sakura!" Naruto was pleading on the floor but Sasuke and Sakura ignored him. "You forgot the magic word, Naruto!" "All right, may I PLEASE not thy on those girly clothes, Sakura-chan?!" Sasuke and Sakura exchanged a glance and smirked. "NOPE!" "GAHHH!" "Come on, let's go" Sasuke said. "Shut up! Why don't you help me?!" Sakura said, turning to him. Sasuke's face turned a light shade of pink, but he would never tell her that he liked her (or else Naruto would tease him about it), so instead he said: "Because… um… he has blonde hair!" "WHAT! Are you trying to say that you don't like me just because I have blonde hair?" "…I guess so…" "I FRICKING HATE YOU!" "NARUTO!" came Sakura's booming voice. "Y-yes S-Sakura?" "Get your butt over here and try on some clothes for me!" "Yes maim!" When Naruto and Sakura entered the girlie store, Naruto knew that he would be scarred for life. "Oh look, Naruto! What a nice dress!" "Urg, Sakura can I just try it on quickly so I can get out of here?" "NO! It's important for a girl to look her best!" "Like you'll ever look your best, forehead!" Sakura and Naruto looked to their right to see the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, crash-dieted Ino. "GRR! What is it, Ino-pig?!" "I just want you to know that I will win Sasuke over!" "Oh yeah, pig?! Let's see you try!" "Fine!" "Fine! Let's go Naruto!" Naruto saw both girls walking in opposite directions. One was kicking posts down and the other was dragging him! "Here Naruto. Try this on." She handed him a silky, greenish-blue dress. "Urg, Sakura this will not look good on you." "Naruto!" "Fine." While Naruto was changing, Sakura was day-dreaming about how Sasuke would think of her once she was wearing her new clothes, but then a soft voice interrupted her. "I-is t-that o-one taken?" Sakura perked up to see a shy Hinata looking down at her feet. "Oh yes it is," Sakura said. "But it should take him only a minute. "Him…?" Hinata was confused for a moment, but then she thought that she had heard wrong. "Are you done yet?" Sakura called. SLAM! Naruto banged the door open. "Sakura, you'd better give me ramen for this!" "N-NARUTO-KUN?!" "GAHHH! H-HINATA-CHAN?!"

* * *

-Naruto fainted and bashed his head on the door. Sakura dragged him out of the store (after paying!). "S-Sakura?" Hinata asked. "W-What was he doing-?" "Oh! Naruto was just trying on clothes for me!" "O-oh good! I t-thought that maybe h-he was… you know… not into girls." Sakura chuckled. They arrived outside the store. "Where's Sasuke?" Sakura said, looking around. "I-I think I saw him in the pl-play-land," Hinata said. "Again?!" Sakura said before leading them there. They were about to go inside, but a security guard said that you had to be five years old or younger to get in. How did Sasuke get in then? Or was he somewhere else? They found a window. "Oh my gosh…" Sakura said. The three of them sweat-dropped. In a group of toddlers (most of them were wearing diapers), singing, sliding down two-foot-high slides, dancing and climbing around was no one other than the famous Sasuke Uchiha. A lot of the parents who were watching their children were starting to feel nervous that a teenaged boy was acting like a toddler. "Why do I even like him?!" Sakura whispered. "What was that?" Naruto said. "N-Nothing! Come on! We have to get that idiot out of there!" Sakura peeked her head around the gate. "Sasuke! Get over here!" Sasuke, who had been playing leap-frog with a three-year-old, turned around. "Aw! Just five more minutes!" he whined. Sakura sighed and gave in to the chibi-face he was giving her. "Fine," she said. When the five minutes were up, she called Sasuke and Naruto (who had joined him) back so they could leave. Naruto started telling Hinata about his adventure down the twisty-slide, and meanwhile, Sakura pulled Sasuke aside. "Sasuke, what were you doing in there! You scared a lot of kids, you know!" "No I didn't! One of the mothers… um… paid me to baby-sit her kid!" he lied. "You have to believe me! Look, here's the money she gave me!" he said, pulling out a purple 15-dollar bill. "That's toy-money, Sasuke," Sakura said. Sasuke stared at it for a second. "Whoops! Wrong pocket!" he said putting it back in. "So what did you buy?" he asked, changing the subject. "A dress," Sakura said. "I should have bought more, but that will probably end up being a waste of money. I love to eat, so I'll probably be too fat for this dress soon." As if right on queue, Sakura blew up like a balloon. Sasuke gasped. "What's happening?!" he looked around. The last thing he remembered seeing was the full moon… then he blew up too. "What is it?!" Naruto yelled. But then he blew up. "Waah!" he yelled as she started rolling down the hallway with Sasuke and Sakura. All of the people looked like little toys and they all tried to run away from the fat, rolling squad-7. When the three of them finally made it out into the parking-lot (after squishing seventy-two cars and ten trucks), Naruto said, "What do we do now?"

* * *

-"I don't know any more!" Sakura said, trying to wipe her tears away but her body was too fat that she couldn't reach. Sasuke was trying to think of a plan. _Come on Sasuke! You have been in many worse things before! _Suddenly Sasuke saw something that looked like a purple coin. He squinted his eyes to see what was written on the coin. "Three wishes," he read off the coin. "Three wha-?" Naruto asked, trying to roll his body facing upwards again. "Look over there by the wall entrance," says Sasuke. "But Sasuke-kun, it's only a purple coin." "I know that, Sakura! But read what it says on the darn thing!" Then Sakura said, "Jeez! Take it easy, spaz!" while snapping her fingers. Also she read it. It did say "Three Wishes." "Oh wow, Sasuke-kun! You were right! Yes! Now we can wish we were normal again! Good thinking!" Sasuke blushed and said, "Gwash. It was no problem. Tee hee hee!" "Sasuke!" Naruto yelled in a high-pitched voice. "Stop flirting and roll to the coin!" "Hey! I was not flirting! I was erm… er well, being very very nice!" Sasuke said. "Yeah sure. Like I believe that one," Naruto huffed. "NARUTO! Just move your big butt!" "SHUT UP THUNDER-THIGHS!" Naruto retorted. Then Sasuke growled, "I will punch the fat out of you." "Boys, enough! God, I know I'm attractive, but we'd better get rolling to the coin," said Sakura, smirking. "Ew," Naruto said, "I wasn't talking about you! It was Sas-," SLAP! "How dare you say that I'm 'ew'!" Sakura yelled. "Sorry Sakura, it will never happen again." Then Sasuke said, "Hey guys! I've got it!" Sakura and Naruto looked to their right and saw Sasuke with the purple coin. But while doing so, he broke 7 trees, 10000 cars and squished a toy rubber duck. "Great job, Sasuke-kun! You even made a little path for us!" said Sakura giggling. "Yeah yeah, let's just hurry up," said Naruto with a pout. When the two reached Sasuke, he told Naruto and Sakura they all needed to rub the coin. "All together now," he said. "One-Two-Three-!" Then their fat fingers rubbed the coin as hard as they could. Then a light, purple mist appeared in front of them. "Sssso, you want to make a wisssh? Well, hem hem, you came to the right placcce." "What is your name?" asked Sasuke in a serious tone. "Hehehehe! Sssssome people call me Orochimaru The Wish-Maker!" Naruto then said, "Yeah yeah whatever. Just make us normal again creepy dude." Sasuke and Sakura glared at Naruto with hate. "Oh is that your wisssssssh?" They all replied, "yes." "Even you little girl?" Orochimaru asked. "Yes," Sakura said, confused. So then squad 7 looked at each other and then shrugged. "Alright then," said Orochimaru. After a few minutes he did these crazy hand-signs and then crazy, purple zaps came out of his fingers and hit Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura in their fat stomachs. And with one big flash they went back to normal and the purple coin was gone. "Yepiiiii! I'm not fat any more!" Naruto said, taking out a cup of ramen. "Yes finally," said Sasuke, checking his wrist. "So Sakura, how did you turn out?" He spun around and froze when he looked at Sakura. She looked like the same person she was when he first met her: still fat with a beard. And strangely, he loved that. "Blish ba ta," she said, which means: I should have paid more attention to what he had said. "Hey Sasuke, where did Sakura go?" Naruto asked. Sasuke pointed in front of him. "Oh where? Behind the fat man?" he asked. "Naruto!" Sasuke scolded. "What?" Naruto said, confused. "That is Sakura!" Sasuke said. "Oh… well… you know what? I think I'm going to wait over there." When Naruto rushed over to the Snack Shack, Sasuke knew that this was the perfect time to talk to the love of his life. "Um, Sakura? So like, what's up?" "Nothing," she said, while rolling in a different direction. "Well, you know, I think you look good now," said Sasuke, blushing beet-red. "Really?!" "Yeah! I think it looks kind of cute with that texture on you!" Suddenly, a while misty cloud appeared around Sakura, turning her beastliness into beautyness. Sakura stood up. She looked like a princess. She had short, pink hair, she was thin and she didn't look like a man. But with this responsibility of beauty, she had an Inner-Sakura. She said, "Aw Sasuke! You made me so beautiful! You made me feel better about myself!" Sasuke mumbled random words. Sakura looked beyond Sasuke and saw a car and right away she pushed Sasuke out of the way. But Sasuke hit an invisible force-field that made him go flying into the air and landing on a trampoline, making him fly up into space and burn his butt on the sun, sending him straight down toward the pavement. He hit it and was unconscious. Inner-Sakura: "You idiot! You made you made the boy you like die!" Sakura was shocked to hear the voice in her head and just stood there doing nothing. Naruto ran up and said, "You're done for when he wakes up." So Sakura and Naruto decided to take him to the hospital.

* * *

**Thanks for reading… well… this very special chapter. The next one will be even special-er! We already kind of know the plot-line for the next chapter too, and it's going to be funny! Please review and we'll give you cake.**

**Choji: CHUBBIES RULE! **

**Emileh and Melon: Choji, you're not even in this story!**

**Choji: I WANT CAKE!**

**Emileh and Melon: Hurry up and review before Choji eats the cake!!**


End file.
